Delete

Delete.

It’s one of those buttons that can be so satisfying, and also terrifying. Most of the time, there’s no going back from delete. You push that button and it’s gone – that photo of you and your sister… You know the one, you’re both not paying attention to the camera, but it’s kind of endearing anyway. Or the endless files on your computer that you really have no idea where they came from… Oops, yup, you just deleted your favourite song. Quick! Recover!

We also delete from our lives. We delete memories (or try to) we delete numbers from the bank account (we try not to)… We delete friends, we delete expectations, we delete.

Deleting comes easily to some of us, and not so easily to others. It’s a necessary part of life, but also a challenging one. It’s got good and bad to it.

So… Where am I going with this?

What did I delete?

I deleted a board on pinterest. You’re thinking what? Okay, big deal.

Wait, wait wait. I didn’t delete just any board – I deleted my “Wedding” board.

I’ve had Pinterest for a good three years now. Maybe longer… One of the first boards I created for endless dreaming and pinning and planning was my wedding board. I had everything on there, dresses, flowers, tips for how to choose your bridesmaids, rings, food ideas, decoration ideas, posts entitled “How to keep your wedding budget under $1000” and “How to avoid conflict with family during the wedding season”

Reading what I’m writing now – Uhhh I was crazy. Under 20 with a wedding planned out, and no idea who the groom was?

If you think I’m crazy, welcome. This is me. If you’ve known me for over 6 months and this is the first time you’re thinking I’m nuts well, sorry. That’s the way it is.

Okay but yes, I agree, planning my wedding so far in advance is a little nuts. And now I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dreaming, there’s a problem with obsessing.

I won’t say I was obsessing, but having everything to do with a wedding being thrown right into my brain every time I opened Pinterest was not healthy. It became something I was thinking about often, and then I realized it.

So one day I thought – what if I just deleted it? And then I thought no, that’s impossible, I’ll lose all my progress.

But then I thought What’s more valuable… A planned out wedding (one that could easily be planned again) or the freedom and mind space that will come from leaving that behind.

 

Since leaving Canada to go travelling, I’ve not only realized the importance time, but the importance of my own head space. I’ve realized that I’d much rather give up an episode of Gilmore Girls before bed, in order to wake up early, sit outside and spend some time with Jesus.

 

So I did it. I opened Pinterest, scrolled right to my prized wedding board, held my breath, and clicked delete.

 

Are you sure?

 

The little pop-up window questioned my decision. I questioned it.

 

I could just limit my time on Pinterest…

 

Um. What world are you living in.

 

Nope. Must delete.

 

Delete.

 

I’m not gonna say there was an instant of relief where I felt my brain expand and my thoughts get clearer and my heart lighter. But over the last few weeks, my focus has changed. Since deleting the wedding board, I’ve spent half the time I normally spend on Pinterest. And I’ve stopped thinking about the future, and spend more time thinking about now.

 

I’m not telling you to go delete your pinterest boards exactly, I’m just saying that sometimes we have to be a little uncomfortable to be a little bit more free.

 

Sometimes we have to really choose what we put into our brains.

 

Sometimes we need to choose to empty our brains instead of fill them.

 

 

 

By Kristina Fedorov

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